We just had a really great discussion (Ethan is 17, David 14) on the U.S. Supreme Court’s ruling on same-sex marriage. I started writing on this topic mid-May, but it was just never in a shareable condition until after this discussion with my sons. I hope it will help you as you talk to your kids (and even your friends and co-workers, should the topic ever come up). We started out with a review of easy arguments (from their “toolbox“) that reach these conclusions:
We then talked about how, before the ruling, same sex couples were not forced to violate their beliefs, but after the ruling, Christians will be punished by the law unless they violate their beliefs. David said it reminded him of the Fugitive Slave Act of 1850. The boys both asked questions and contributed their own thoughts throughout the discussion, but what follows are the basics on which we agree.
I explained why I oppose homosexuality in general:
–I did not say “Because it’s in the Bible” or “Because God says homosexuality is evil,” although those things are true. They are not, however, reasons homosexuality is wrong. There are reasons God’s commands are in the Bible. He does not command arbitrarily.
• The point of being born clearly male or female is to bring up the next generation – sexual attraction & pleasure is icing, but not the cake.
• Ultimately the cake is bringing up the next generation with the same Golden Rule love (God) that is (or should be) correctly applied in all our different relationships (with our parents, children, spouse, friends, coworkers, etc.).
• Those who are not born clearly male or female are evidence that being male or female able to marry is not the most important thing about us – being a human able to practice Golden Rule love is the most important thing, as demonstrated by Jesus on the cross.
• The icing (sexual attraction & pleasure) should top the cake, rather than being enjoyed separately as if it is the cake itself (idolatry, hope-shifting) – rules out selfish sex, like premarital sex, extramarital sex, & same-sex sex.
• Though being male or female is not the most important thing about us, same-sex sex is sexist and paradoxically selfish and self-hating (selfishness is, in itself, paradoxically self-hating) because you are refusing to be who you are in relation to the opposite sex and your shared purpose of bringing up the future generation in God’s Golden Rule love — in favor of selfish sexual desires (idolatry, hope-shifting).
• Adoption by same-sex couples is still self-hating and sexist, because you are finding ways to fulfill the point of your sex without being who you are in relationship to the opposite sex.
• No one is born sexually attracted/oriented, and there are different theories on development and malleability of attraction/orientation — but we are all born capable of sinning and rejecting sin … and of confronting, repenting of, and forgiving sin. What we should not do is say that just because we are “born that way” (prone to sin) it is a good thing we should stop resisting.
• The U.S. is not a Christian nation, because not every citizen is a Christian. We can vote our conscience, but should not expect nonChristians to behave as Christians (you can try to appeal to their moral sense if they accept the Golden Rule, but it is commonly misapplied by those who are not following God). We should love them as Jesus loves us despite the junk in our hearts.
I should mention that I reviewed what I had told them before about my “story” of being sexually attracted to both sexes for as long as I can remember being sexually attracted, and how that doesn’t change any of the above…and they can come to me with anything and it will never freak me out. Be that for your kids, if you aren’t yet. Love :)